directions_run Run • May 17, 2024, 1:08 a.m.

A very flowey race. In my pre-race preparation, there was never really a moment of stress and aching nervousness about the race and most surprisingly it didn’t feel like I was trying to force that relaxation. I felt excited for the event and I trusted that cheering on my teammates would be all the energy I’d need to race. I’ve realized that I “try” to care about the race. This feels like an intentional push and it’s completely unnecessary effort. It’s like I have this underlying assumption that the more I think about a race, the better I’ll do. But this is untrue: I have now realized that I care automatically about the race and I don’t need to force myself to do anything extra. ––– Overall, my race unfolded well. Throughout the race, my internal monologue felt like the culmination of all the wisdom I’ve learned this season. The only mistake I noticed was that I didn’t actually go out when they blew the whistle. Embarrassingly, I didn’t process that the whistle was the start of the race and I lingered a bit. This led to my first lap being recovery & catching up to the front. There was a moment where I snapped into muscle memory. Antonio was in front of me and my eyes were just locked onto him. The last time I was in this situation was in the 2 mile (where I really, really fell behind on the last two laps) and I said to myself “I won’t let that happen again.” And I stayed with him. That was my motivation on the second lap. On the third lap, I thought to myself “This is where the magic happens. I need to dig deep and stay in this race.” I think I passed around seven guys on this lap (not sure tho, that could also be completely wrong). And on the forth lap, I kinda just screamed to USE EVERYTHING. Mr Miller got a mid-race picture that captures the energy that I felt. Felt very, very happy to break 4:40. Being in the 4:30s is unreal and I’m still so shocked that’s where I’m at. ––– It was very rewarding to see coach hand out my shirts and it made me really happy to see the excitement surrounding it. Kurm said in his speech to ask what *you* can do for the team, not what they can do for you. And this helped me realized that while I may be able to run fast and I may even be able to score points, my essential contribution to the team is my resourceful creativity and these shirts are only a precursor of what is to come :) –––– I remember talking with Snee at the end of the XC banquet. At this point, I was still doubting if I wanted to do track. And I felt completely uncertain of how committed I’d be. Without a doubt, I was a different man five months ago and I wish I could just see my December self’s face when he realized how far he would come. I’ve really surprised myself this season and I’m just so excited for what more I’ll be able to do. —— After the races were over, while “We are the Champions” was echoing across the field, I had a moment of intense contentment. Looking around, I realized how far I’ve come. I witnessed my teammates smile and laugh and realized that they now felt like my inner circle. I gazed at the track and suddenly understood how significant this sport has become to my life. This moment felt like the emotional pinnacle of the hundreds of miles and hours I’ve committed. But this moment also felt deeply and beautifully simple and I realized: I love this team.